Mumlife – the early days
My boss warned me this might happen… motherhood paranoia. Is it just me, or have you discovered that this world is a episode of Casualty waiting to happen? Only of course now you have a baby. Case in hand, we were out at lunch the other day when the waitress handed our hot food. It may sound normal, but it WAS OVER baby’s head. For the love of God!
I almost lunged for her throat at such a ridiculous thing to do. Did it not occur to her that the piping hot custard might just drop on my baby, scalding him for life. The second happened today when a group of people came out of nowhere at my Drs to play with my baby. NO YOU HAVE GERMS I wanted to shout, but instead stood there rocking out of my head. Why do people have to do that! If anyone can tell me when the paranoia ends I’ll be grateful (don’t say 18 years!)
And speaking of paranoia, don’t freak out with baby noises. Because, in case you didn’t know, babies make the most extreme noises. They coo when they smile, they scream when they’re mad. This much I knew. What no one told me (thanks again NCT) was that they also fart and burp.
Not only do they omit these noises, but they are so frigging loud you’ll think your partner has just let one go – but no – it’s actually your offspring, letting their spring off! It’s truly hilarious – you have been warned.